May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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