I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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