But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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