I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
