Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
