Christians are straight up FREAKS
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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