i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
