There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I will pee on everything he values.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
