his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
