dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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