we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
