Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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