and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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