Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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