idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
