You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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