operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
