someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
