D3 body, D1 cock
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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