Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
