i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
