Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
