for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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