I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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