Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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