It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
