Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
