I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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