That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
