some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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