We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
