Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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