It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
