Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
