The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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