i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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