her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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