the condom got lost in my hair
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
