you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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