If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
