these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
