i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she pinky promised me she was 18
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
