Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
