I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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