Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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