ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
