I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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