I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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