I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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