If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize