You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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