So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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