he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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