I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
