Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
