headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
