you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
