I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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