My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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