She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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