Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we made out on top of his cat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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