What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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