I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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