I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
