I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
