Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
