wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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