She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
