In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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