If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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