this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
