my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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