i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
