she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
