You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
