If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
