take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
