3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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