Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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