her vagine was all disorganized.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
