I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize