Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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