Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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