I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
