New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
