Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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